it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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