i already hear my dad disowning me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I stole a fireplace last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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