Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
