the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
