every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
