I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
