Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
