He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
