My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
