Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
