I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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