Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
