I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
