Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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