I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
