I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
