how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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