"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
