I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
