um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
