Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
