I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
