i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
