Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
