my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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