Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
