thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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