i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
