i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
