Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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