Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm too high and old for this...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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