Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
