he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my poor anus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
