Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
