Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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