didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
