Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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