I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
