she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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