i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
