he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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