I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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