Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
