Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
