there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
