hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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