please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
