My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
