Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
