So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
