there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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